


Stay

by webothdie



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Desperation, Happy Ending, M/M, Sad, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-06-04
Packaged: 2017-12-13 23:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/webothdie/pseuds/webothdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't know what to say. </p><p>"But..." Tommy still tries to argue.</p><p>"Tommy, NO. Unless you can honestly tell me you would be better off without me. Then I will let you go right the fuck now. All the past 3 years has been just a dream. Nothing has ever happened between us."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic. A story inspired by the video Stay. http://youtu.be/JyeXToFiGMM 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy it :) Do leave a comment, so I know where to improve on the next time. Writing fics have been so much fun, just wish I could be more gifted with words like all those great fanfic writers in the fandom ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not know the characters. Just borrowed names for our entertainment.

 

 

Tommy sits in his apartment floor, with a guitar on his lap. 3.58am. Great, another night without sleep. Well, who needs them anyway. He’s got nothing planned for tomorrow. He stands up abruptly, his feet are killing him.

  
His handphone brightened in the dark, lighting up the whole room. His very single, typical dude’s apartment, filled with tons of take away food packages and drink bottles. “I’m hanging out with sutan now. He misses you. Wanna come out?”    
  
It's from Adam. His iphone still recognized that number by “The bossman”. He’s been using that name since the first day he got through that audition. He wanted to change it afterwards, but he didn’t want to put just Adam either. So that’s what it is now. He's too used to it. And honestly speaking, seeing that name, makes him feel secured.  
  
He stares at the phone for a while, closes the message and goes on to twitter. He goes to the fanclub's account to check for any updates on Adam, not knowing what exactly to look for, but he just wants to check something.  
  
There it is. They’ve been out for more than 2 hours now. Adam looks so good, and he seems to lost a little weight.  
  
He hans’t seen Adam for more than a month now. He misses him of course, but he doesn’t really want to meet him. He’s afraid... But isn’t sure what he’s afraid of.  
  
Another message came in. “Oh come on Tommy, I know u r not asleep yet.” a faint smile appears on his face, that man knows him, so well, and probably too well. So in the time like this, when he tries to hide from the world, it’s kinda annoying.  
  
“Man, I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” Tommy clicked the screen a bit too hard. There is anger rise within him, and he totally doesn’t know why.  
  
“Fine, then see you in 15.”  
  
Oh crap, Tommy panics, and he’s so very annoyed now. Who gives him the right to just barge into his life like that? Doesn’t that fucker know what boundary is? Feeling defeated, he goes into the bathroom and takes a five minute shower anyways. The first shower of the week.  
  
Then he hears a car pulling over at his yard. “Fuck!” He murmurs.  
  
A text comes in. “Open the door fucker or I will make a scene” .  
  
Yea, Adam is totally capable of doing that, and Tommy knows. So he obliges, opens the door and waits for him while towel drying his hair.  
  
“Awww, you washed your hair for me.” Adam is so happily drunk, and he looks fucking adorable with that smeared eyeliner and messy hair, kinda like a panda. Tommy couldn’t help himself but smile. Then he remembered he’s supposed to be mad at him.  
  
“Where is sutan? I thought you said he misses me? Where is his ass?” Tommy’s pulling a straight face.  
  
“I dropped him off on my way here. He kinda thinks we need to talk. So yea, here I am. Open your flyer and let's start talking." Adam chuckled. Oh, he's so happily drunk now.  
  
“I’m wearing sweatpants you drunk ass. No zipper on these baby.”  _“Y_ _ou could just ask if you want.”_ He thought to himself, but didn’t say it out. They are not there yet. At least not now.  
  
Adam’s eyes glances him up and down, and suddenly Tommy is very self-conscious.  
  
“So what are you doing here? Told u I was fine!” Tommy sits across Adam on the couch, hugging his legs in front of him.  
  
“I just miss you, dude.” Wow, that’s very straight style talking, and Tommy finds it all sorts of funny.  
  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with you, but you are not fine. K?  The last you disappeared like this...” Adam stopped abruptly, reminiscing the past. Swallows hard, he looked at Tommy, a little embarrassed then he continues, “ Was the time I got a boyfriend. Well, I couldn't do anything then, but I sure won’t let it happen now. So, talk to me.” His eyes are filled with nothing but pure concern. Tommy’s heart sinks a little. Damn those gorgeous blue eyes.  
  
“I’m fine. Really. Just don’t feel like hanging out with anyone. I do that you know. Like... I do disappear on people... That’s how I roll.” he was trying to make it light-hearted.  
  
Adam’s staring into his eyes now, all soft and tired, with a silent plea.  
  
Tommy just felt like surrendering himself, gives up himself completely; no more struggles and heartache; he just wants to let it go. It always happens when he’s around Adam.  
  
“I don’t know what to say, Adam. I don’t even know how to say it. I don’t even know what I’m thinking. But I can handle that, not the first time I’m depressed anyway. And I don’t believe in all those psych crap." He blurted, "If things can be formed into words, then they just aren’t that bad.” There it is. He admitted himself being depressed and all kinds of miserable. Yep he said it.  
  
Silence follows after that. Tommy breaths hard, trying to calm himself from mini-panic attack. He doesn’t really reveal his true feelings in front of people, not even to his closest friends. He just thinks it’s selfish to dump someone’s problems onto others.  
  
“Wanna go out for breakfast?” Adam suddenly stands up.  
  
Oh boy Tommy totally didn’t see that coming. “What the fuck? You crazy? It’s 6 in the morning!”  
  
“Yep, and that’s when normal people wake up, u peasant!” Adam giggles again and starts walking out of the house.  
  
Tommy is rolling his eyes and silently face-palming in his head, but he follows him anyway. 

  
So Tommy is a health-conscious punk now, Adam made him. So he doesn’t do greasy breakfast anymore. He needs to eat like a princess, with fresh fruits and stuff. So they pick an organic salad bar near Adam’s house. Yes, that’s Adam’s secret plan of making Tommy goes to his house after, and Tommy is always onboard with his secret plans.

They order organic salad with organic soda and tons of organic coffee.  _Wait, organic soda? Could they be anymore pretentious?_  Tommy silently smiles to himself.

That’s what Adam always does to him. Whenever he takes Tommy out, he would choose somewhere fancy. Cos Tommy totally doesn’t care if they eat in a restaurant or a hot dog booth, and that makes Adam somehow feels obliged to show Tommy the world of fancy food, so Tommy wouldn’t die without being able to tell the difference between fro gras and mashed potato. 

Then they end up spending the whole breakfast bitching and gossiping about Brian’s love life.

“Heard his girl dumped him.” Adam says, mouth full of salad.

“You’ve got no idea!” Tommy rolls his eyes. “That dude is totally fucked up by that girl. You should have seen him the other day. I spent the three days at his apartment. He told me his story like ten times, but not a single time I caught what he was talking. Like he thought he’s explaining, but who could understand those words when he’s weeping like a kid the whole fucking time. I feel so bad for him.” Tommy just blurts out while chewing on his sunflower seeds.

That paints a very vivid image in Adam’s brain, Brian's weeping and flailing on the floor, while Tommy's looking all confused and awkward and sorry sitting opposite of him.

“You know I suck at giving advices and comforting people, so all I could do is to give him tequila and tissue. And you know how dramatic Brian can be. So I’ve got to get myself pretty hammered myself to get through 3 days of intense emotional shower.” Tommy chews another mouthful of salad. “It wasn’t pretty.”

Oh, that picture just got cuter. Now we have Tommy clutching a bottle of tequila and a box of tissue, while feeling pity for Brian.

Adam couldn’t help himself but shows the biggest grin since this morning. Then he feels bad about himself, building his happiness on another friend’s sorrow.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. Just that... But you should get into my brain and see it for yourself.”  _Oh, that dork._

Tommy kicks him under the table. Adam screams a little. “Okay, next time I’m so totally sending Brian to your way, fucker!” He's trying to stare Adam down but epically failed. So they breaks into a laughing fit.  _(Sorry Brian :P)_

See, that’s why Adam’s so good for Tommy, he knows exactly how to handle him.

 

**

When they get back to Adam’s apartment, Tommy suddenly felt tired and sleepy. “10 bucks says that organic shit we drank earlier is just water with coffee taste.” Tommy sends a side way glare in Adam’s direction. “Or you slipped something into my coffee!”

“Can’t you just accept the fact that you are happy and relieved to see me, and finally your brain has given up strangling you and you could actually relax? Told you before, I do wonders on you.” Adam smirks and enters into bathroom.

  
“Get some sleep Tommy, I’ll even allow you to crash on my bed!” Adam shouts from the bathroom, then water's running. Adam must be tired from staying up all night.

Well. Whatever. Not like he didn’t sleep in Adam’s bed before. Although this is a different bed. He hadn’t crashed in Adam’s place for a long time now. He kept his distance when Adam was attached. Yep, he’s always that considerate. Doesn’t wanna put Adam in a difficult position.

And fuck those silk bedsheets and pillow cases, he so should steal these from him later.

  
When Adam finishes showering, Tommy is already asleep, snoring lightly. He may or may not have slipped something in Tommy’s drink just now. And he may or may not secretly asked for decaf coffee without Tommy knowing. Cos poor Tommy needs to sleep his troubles away, needs to lay that fucked up little brain into rest, at least for a couple of hours.

Adam leaves his sweat pants on when he climbs up the bed. Tommy doesn’t take much space either; he just curls into a ball on the right side, where he always slept when they were going out. 

Adam kept his movements to minimum, he doesn’t want to wake him up. Tommy’s face is always so peaceful when he’s asleep. It’s so hard to believe he’s so troubled in his wakening hours when he sleeps like an angel. He always snores a little, like those baby snores. Sometimes he speaks in his dream too. And when he’s really having a bad dream, his eye ball would twitch behind his closed eye lids, and then he would try to silently scream and his whole body would go rigid. Adam always woke him up at those moments, saving him from his falling deeper in his horrifying dreams. He then would hold him tight until he fell back asleep in his arms. He’s not sure if Tommy remembered any of those moments. Anyways, that was from more than 2 years ago. Probably a lot has changed since then. Adam loves to watch Tommy sleeps, just like he did when they were together.

 

Then he fell asleep too.

 

A slight movement beside him jerks Adam awake almost immediately.

He whispers softly at Tommy’s ear, “ bad dream?”

“No, fucker, let me go! Wanna peeeeee!!!” He’s squeaking like a teenage girl while trying to untangle him from Adam’s deathly hug.

Then Adam realized that he is spooning Tommy from behind, all arms and legs. Typical octopus.

Tommy kicks and struggles and finally gets himself freed from Adam and makes a beeline to the toilet. A loud sigh of relief and peeing sound follow after that. 

Adam grins to himself. He can’t remember the last time he's awaken by Tommy this way. It's always Tommy, wanting to pee but trapped so helplessly in Adam’s arms and legs and then Tommy would throw some horrible morning temper and refused to talk nor smile nor let adam anywhere near him until he was offered a steamy hot cup of coffee, with milk and absolutely no sugar.

  
_Oh Tommy, that emo kid._

So Adam gets up almost immediately and goes to get coffee. By the time he re-enters the bedroom, Tommy's already lying upside down on his bed, his feet on Adam’s pillow. Adam wrinkled his nose.

  
“Fucker, get your peasant feet off my pillow!”

“Oh please, you love my feet!” Tommy snorts.

Oh no, he didn’t just go there. Adam and his foot fetish. That's such a couple thing to say.

Then an awkward silence follows.

“Erm... Don’t worry, I just took a shower. I used your fancy soap. You could smell them.” He said while turning to lie on his back, and in no time he raises up his feet and almost kicks Adam's hand.

Adam jumps back a little, surprised by Tommy’s sudden attack.

“Fuck, stop it! That’s my new carpet you little fucker. Im so gonna hold on to your pay for the next gig if you make me spill my coffee.” Adam cautiously puts mugs away on the night stands. 

Tommy’s eyes focused on those mugs and seems to lost in thoughts.

“I thought you’ve thrown out those mugs when you move here.” Tommy said softly.

“Nah, how could I? You loved them, and I love them too. They are ours.” Adam’s eyes focused on Tommy. Millions of things racing through his brain.

Tommy silently sips at the coffee. Looking at Adam every now and then through his bangs. The air becomes electrified immediately.

Adam sits next to Tommy on the bed. Turning to face him. Adam gently takes away the mug and put it back on the night stand.

Gently put a finger on his chin, Adam’s lips sealed with Tommy’s. So tender and soft. It’s just a sweet and chaste kiss. When he opens his eyes again, Tommy is looking at him with glassy bambi eyes, there are so much love in those.

He closes their distance again, this time more ferocious and more heat. He slips his tongue into Tommy, tasting coffee and minty breath. This is how Tommy always tasted in the morning, his body remembers this smell. “Good to have you back, Tommy Joe.” His every cell yearns for this good old Tommy.

The thought of that makes Adam so turned on. He wants to see Tommy writhing under him again.

Adam lifts up Tommy’s shirt over his head and throws them on the floor. He plungs down to lick his neck. There is so much heat and tenderness at the same time. He could hear Tommy breathed in deep and hard, but doesn’t quite let go. He let out a strangled noise.

“Tommy, it’s ok. It’s just me. Don’t hide from me.” Adam whispers. Then almost as a spell, Tommy leashed out a trembling moan.  _Oh, the things Adam does to him._

It’s just them. All bloody realness of life.

Adam pushes forward, making Tommy lies on his back. And as always, Tommy goes down so easily, always so ready when he’s around Adam. He doesn’t have to think nor resist, but just letting go and enjoying the moment.

 

The 2 mugs stand quietly on the nightstand. 'Babyboy' and 'Glitterbaby" painted on top of them.

  
“Baby, I’m gonna make it so good for you.” Adam says, breathless.

 

"Promises. Promises." Tommy snorts.

  
When he tries to say something more, Adam wraps his lips around his nipple, so all he manages is to let out a weird soft moan.  _His oh-so-sensitive nipple._  


  
Adam takes his time; savoring every inch of Tommy’s skin.

“Glad you wear your sweat pants today baby.” Oh shit, he’s babying him again, and Tommy thinks he might be just the one in the million guys that actually has his heart lives in his dick. Argh, all those feelings he's feeling now is vibrating through his pores. Making him yearn, so fucking much. Plus, Adam is about to suck his dick. So he's totally onboard.

 

  
_Yes, come on Adam._

Adam pulls at those too-loose sweat pants down while Tommy lifts up his butt, they worked in perfect unison. And there it is, the dick that springs free from his sweat pants.  _Well, good day, Los Angeles!_

Adam bites on Tommy’s inner thigh playfully, which again makes Tommy screams like a little girl. That is so fucking unfair that Adam knows all little secrets about Tommy’s body. But in a weird way Tommy loves being tortured. Cos adam remembers his body so well. It makes him feels so fucking treasured. All those stupid dumb teenage girl feelings.

 

Oh, fuck. Then that warm, wet, full lips wrapped around his dick, inch by inch, and Adam is not breaking their eye contact. 

 

That predator look. 

 

Tommy has to shut his eyes so he won’t be a 10-second wonder right that fucking moment. Then Adam is making that signature oh-so-yummy noise, and those little vibrations sends waves of sharp blinding pleasure to his spine.

Fuck! He’s not going to last. 

“Fuck you Lambert!” He curses with a husky voice.

But Adam just makes an agreeing sound that almost ends Tommy.

Tommy is squirming a little too much that Adam has to sit on his legs and sprawl his hands on his chest to hold him down. He’s making pleasant yummy noises while going up and down Tommy’s dick. His ten-inch magnificent dick.  At least that’s what he told his fans.

He licks from his base all the way to the top while not breaking his eye contact with Tommy. Those gorgeous blue eyes have already turned dark, evil and promising. Just like the first time he got Tommy in his mouth. So confident and owning, Tommy knew, at that moment, that this man was gonna blow his whole fucking world away. So he did.

That gorgeous tongue swirled in all deathly angles and pressure on Tommy’s dick. And Adam is so deep-throating him now, making his dick fucking into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat, that million-dollar-worth throat. The obscene wet sloppy pumping sound mixes with the loud dramatic gagging noise, accompanies by Tommy’s illegal high pitched moaning/screaming/cursing, orchestrate into a top notch gay porn symphony. _Praise the lord!_ __  
  
Tommy is very sure he’s seeing not only stars, but the whole galaxy, the so-gorgeous galaxy. Oh, he’s about to blow his loads. And suddenly he panics.

Fuck, that’s not what he wanted.

With the last shred of control combined with adrenaline from the verge of panic-attack, he kicks Adam’s shoulder, a bit too hard which almost knocks Adam off the bed.

Adam totally didn’t see it coming, his instinct told him to clench his jaws, so he did.

Then there is simultaneous scream, from top of their lungs.

“What! The! Actual! Fuck! Tommy! Joe!”  
“What! The! Actual! Fuck! Lambert!”

“You almost bit my dick off!”  
“And you are trying to kill me!”

Wow, from about to cum to about to die/dickless, that sure escalated quickly.

Then they burst out into a laughing fit. Adam laughs so hard that he has to rest his face on Tommy’s hips. Tommy's leaking dick gently touches Adam's face.

This is so intimate. More intimate than just having sex. It feels like they are walking down a path, together.

  
Tommy sits up and brings Adam up to find his mouth. He kisses him, all frantic and eager. “I don’t wanna come on your mouth." Tommy smirks. "I want to come on your dick. The old fashioned way.” 

  
Adam blinks twice, as if trying to tell if he has hallucinated the conversation.

It wasn’t easy to convince Tommy to bottom for him, even when they were going out. Although Adam would make it so good everytime, Tommy just don’t really feel it from time to time. It's not about him being straight before Adam, or about being a sub. What scares Tommy the most is the intense need to just give it all in, to just surrender his life to Adam. It makes him want to do crazy things, anything, as long as it pleases Adam. It feels like losing control. Tommy's not good at losing control…

 

But of course, Tommy compensated that with all sorts of other crazy sex others would even have a hard time imagining it.

“Yes, you heard me.” Tommy says, nothing but determination in his eyes.

Adam crashes right into his mouth and kissed him feverishly. All tongues and teeth. Tommy could feel the fire of his eyes without even having to see them. He let out a shaky breath when Adam went to take condom and lube. 

 

For Adam, he's always a little scared of Tommy. Not intimidated by him, but more like when you treasure something or someone too much, you feel constantly afraid. It's the good kind of scared, like when you are about to get a new job kind of scared, or you are about to fall in love kind of scared. It's intense.

  
Excitement is dancing in Tommy's blood. He’s already so squirmy.

Adam flipped him on his stomach, so easily. And now, he’s kneeling on the bed, ass sticks high up in the air.

What an embarrassing position. 

 

He tenses a little. But then he remebered it’s just adam, it’s just them.

  
Adam pulled apart his cheeks, revealing that pink hole. That fucking perfect tiny pink hole. It looks so adorable on that cute little tushy. 

 

Tommy hides his face in the pillow. He could feels every part of his skin is now burning with sensation. Nothing but pure lust and love wraps his body.

Adam licks the hole tentatively, testing Tommy’s response. Tommy inhales sharply, his legs trembling.

“Shhhh baby, I’ve got you.” Adam whispers and runs his hands on Tommy’s sides, trying to soothe him.

Adam sticks his tongue in his hole, just at the entrance, feeling the ring of muscle contract.

 

He’s about to feel that on his dick in a second. 

  
Adam works his tongue in and out, and Tommy is a moaning mess below him. His hands was grabbing desperately onto the sheets, trying to hold on. He will tear that silk apart if Adam continues to do this. He could imagine how his hole, which has turned to a darker shade of pink, is now glistening with saliva. Adam filmed it and showed him before. They were so fucking wild back then.

Tommy's hole is so cute.  _Why everything about him is so fucking adorable._ This is gonna be the death of Adam.

“Oh, come on! Just fuck me already.” Tommy whines, obviously can’t hold on anymore.

  
“Don’t worry baby, I’m gonna give it to you so good later. But we need to be patient, don’t wanna tear this pink little hole.”

Adam covers his finger with lube and sticks two right into his hole. Tommy screams.

He scissors his fingers inside, gentle but determined, opening him up. Tommy couldn't hold still anymore. He pushes backwards, fucks into Adam's fingers. Being waiting for this for more than two years now. His body yearns for Adam. 

 

Yearns for reunion.

“Give me three, not made up of porcelain you fucker. Fuck! Just give it to me. Fuck!” Tommy trash-talks like nobody’s business. That noisy little bitch.

But then Adam crooks his finger and the world goes quiet. Forth of July fireworks fills up Tommy's sight. All pretty fireworks with the serenity of the galaxy.

Adam continues to open him up, hitting on his prostate in every thrust. Tommy is going to die.

“Seriously dawg. If you don’t fuck me now, I’ll blow my loads all over your silk sheets and then it will be over. The most I can offer then is a handjob, so your choice, my ass or my hands. Right the fuck now!” Tommy is so desperate that he sounds damn serious right now. Adam actually feels bad for teasing him that way.

“Hang on there you little fucker. Glam dick's coming right up.” Adam's voice is so hoarse now it's hardly recognisable. It takes every shred of his patience to make it good and slow. The fire inside him scotches and blinds him. It's not just a random twink, it's Tommy. His Tommy. He has to make it good.

  
Adam went to the bathroom to take a towel and laid it below Tommy’s body. So Tommy’s threat does work.

  
Adam quickly tears open a condom with his teeth and puts on his dick. He smears more lube on the dick once more before bringing it to his entrance.

It all comes down to this point.

Slowly, Adam pushes in. Tommy tenses up by instinct, but he tries to stay focused and relaxed anyways. He could feel his ring of muscle getting stretched open by Adam’s dick. He could imagine how Adam's dick is disappearing into his body. They are moulding into one body. It feels so full now. A heavy weight on his abdomen.

A heavy weight on his chest.

Again, he let it happen. He lets Adam penetrate into his life. He could feel those raw emotion rise up inside him. Those sleepless nights trying to figure out Adam, trying to make sense of his own life. He never thought this day would come again... He thought he wouldn’t allow it to happen again. But here he is, on his knees, while Adam is breaking him open. 

  
Suddenly, it’s all too much and he can’t take it anymore.

He lets out a choked sound, and immediately Adam stops moving. He bents down to hug him from behind, whispers softly against his ear.

“Want me to stop?” His voice sounded strangled. He realises that at that moment, Adam’s the one that's totally at his mercy. He always knew he has power over Adam. Those enormous power that even he doesn’t understand. But the way Adam puts his needs before his own just proves every fucking point.

“No no no. Just keep going. Please.” Tommy begs. Blinks out a drop of tear.

  
“Shhh. It's okay. I’ve got you baby.” Adam wraps his arms around his chest that makes him feels so grounded and so fucking safe. He could feel his contradictions and worries that tire his mind so much, silently starts to drift away.

At the moment, he only feels Adam. The way he moves inside him. Sensual and caring.

Adam's breath is hot and shallow against his ears, whispering all sweet little secrets they've shared, about the way he feels, about the way he wants him to feel. It's ecstasy.

 

Adam's finally bottomed out. His weight on him feels so mesmerising. He never thought a guy would make him feel that way.  

Adam straightens up and holds on his hips. Pulling back out almost all the way and thrust back in with full force. Tommy elbows buckle, and they both tumble down.

Tommy hides his face in the pillow while Adam is completely on top of him, pulling out and thrusting back in. His leg muscles bulges and tenses, sweat rolles from his body onto Tommy's. 

 

Tommy tries his best to lift up his hip as much as possible to give more room for Adam to work with. He thrusts back onto Adam's dick with him. They finds that rhythm so easily. Adam adjusts his angle so he’s perfectly positioned. He knows exactly where to thrust in when it comes to Tommy.

He’s making this so fucking good.

Tommy screams into pillow again and again, and every thrust sends him closer to edge.

“Baby, come on, let it go! you’ve got to come now.” Adam licked his ears. His voice trembling.

Adam is driving in harder and harder, more erratic and every thrust aims right at that perfect sweet spot. In all frantic movements, Adam finds Tommy's hands and laced their fingers together, holding on, encouraging him to just let go. And that’s it. With a silent scream, Tommy's body goes stiff, waves of pleasure pulses through his vein like a tsunami. He feels like his brain is leaking out of his ears.

  
Adam fucks him through his orgasm and his own orgasm follows right after. Tommy tenses his hole to make it even better for Adam. Adam bites his shoulder when he comes, his whole body shudders with pleasure so high that he may never come down from it. 

Tommy could feel every tint of pleasure shooting right down Adam’s core. It feels like he’s coming all over again. He could feel Adam writhe above, all sensual waves. That breaks him a little more, being able to share the highest pleasure with this dearest man.

Adam pulls out carefully after his breath steadies and lies next to Tommy.

Tommy still hides his face in the pillow, bathing in the afterglow. He’s not felt this relaxed for god-knows-how-long.

Adam turns to face him, combing his hair and tug it behind his ear. Tommy feels so shy when he turns to look at Adam. Adam’s gaze is just so unbearable. So he leans in and gently kissed on those lips. It is sloppy, but none of them is still in their afterglow to care for a perfect kiss.

Adam feels a lump forming in his throat. The way Tommy just melts into his body, he misses it, so fucking much.

They hug each other, tight and long, almost suffocating. There is too much hardships in real world, they would rather hide.

 

Adam fell asleep against Tommy's chest.  

 

That leaves Tommy alone with his head, the mind that always tries to strangle him alive.

He starts to wonder if he’s done the right thing. 

 

Tommy thought back of all the years that he has lost Adam. Desperately trying to tug his feelings neatly away and love Adam to only the appropriate amount. Hiding his feelings under the name of  _'_ _brothers'_   isn't easy; it isn't easy all. He had fallen to a bottomless abyss when things tumbled down, if he wanted to live, he needed to carry his own weight step by step upwards.. He may have left his heart down the abyss, and just carries the emotionless body with him. He's done his sentence; he's learnt things the hard way.

 

Now he's scared that it will happen all over again.

 

"Erm, that... That was amazing. Thank you. Erm... I needed that." Tommy whispers under breath, pushing Adam gently off his chest. Adam opens his eyes softly, only half awake. Tommy is trying to stand up, but his legs give in.

 

Adam turns to look at him, trying to process his words. Tommy doesn't look at him. He just sits on the edge of the bed, back facing Adam. 

 

"Today was fun. And I forgive you for slipping whatever that is into my drink. I feel much better now." Tommy still doesn't look at Adam. Trusting his legs could carry his weight now, he stands up; finding his sweatpants on the floor, and put them on. His ass is a little sore. 

 

He misses that feeling.

 

Glancing at the night stand, there the 2 mugs stands side by side. Babyboy and Glitterbaby. 

 

His eyes sting a little. 

 

"Stay." Adam says quietely from behind.

 

Tommy freezes, but doesn't turn back. He hears the bed sheet rustle, then a strong arm came and wraps him from behind.

 

"Stay." Adam said again, silent plea against his ear. He could feel Adam's heavy heartbeats against his back.

 

It takes every strength in Tommy to hold his tears back. 

 

"No. Fuck. Adam. Don't make us walk down that path again." Tommy pleads. "I can't take stand another round of torture. I will break." His whole body feels like collapsing on him. Suddenly an overwhelming sense of fatigue flushes over him. 

 

Adam breathes in hard.  "Tommy, if you are so sure that you are better off alone, without me. Fine. I will let you go." He paused, "and from now on, we'll just be band mates, nothing more. There will be no more  _us_." 

 

Even saying those words feel like a stab right into his heart. He turns Tommy around to face him, looking intently into his eyes. "But if you are unsure, even if you are only slightly unsure, I won't let you go." Adam continues talking, his eyes searching for Tommy's. 

 

"You don't want me. Adam, we are not meant for each other. We are too different." Tommy is speaking so softly that it's barely audible. "The last time, whatever it broke us back then has not changed. I'm still me." 

 

"So all along you thought you murdered us? Oh Tommy, we both carry a little responsibility." Adam touches his face gently. "It was new to us, both of us. And our lives were in a turmoil. Million things were happening to us then. And when tour wound down, we just don't know how to deal with it." 

 

Adam heaved a sigh. "Yes, Tommy. You are not easy to love. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve it. And you can't deprive me of my chance of happiness."

 

"Adam, you like to party. You want friends surround you 24/7. You wanna to dance your energy off. You are passionate about every fucking little thing. But I'm the total the opposite. I likes to drink alone while watching horror movies; I play video games too much it's unhealthy for man at my age; I don't sleep. I have a dark twisted soul and I'm always stuck in it. But you live in the sunshine, you light up everyone around you. Don't you see that? We can't mix with each other!" Tommy swallows hard. Obviously he's done too much thinking about  _"them"_. There is much despair and desperation in his voice. 

 

Even after countless nights of analyzing, he still couldn't get it. Why couldn't love be just about mutual attraction, couldn't be just about push and pull? Why it has to burn both of them straight into ashes every fucking time! 

 

"And I don't want to drag you to my dark side. You are meant for greater things. I don't wanna hold you back." Saying those words makes Tommy feels like his heart is being sliced apart.

 

Yes, Tommy could be an emotional train wreck sometimes. And only his closest friends would know. He doesn't show them his dark side. He's always hiding and wrapping his sorrow to himself. When world is such a painful and helpless place, he just doesn't want to impose his trouble to anyone else, and everyone else is busy saving themselves, he has to be his own saviour and salvation. He couldn't and wouldn't want to rely on anyone else.

 

"And don't you think I deserve to be happy too?" Adam asked. 

 

Tommy is confused, that was exactly what he wanted Adam to do all along, even that means to leave him behind. He loves Adam too much to be with him.

 

"Don't you decide my happiness for me!" Adam is a bit worked up. " I don't know about you, Tommy Joe. But my happiness is to be able to spend time with  _you_. To lie with  _you,_ to wake up with  _you,_  and to do everything in between with  _you_. To share your joy when that angelic smile appears on your face, and to whip your ass when you are stuck in your own miserable world. So even if it means for me to be sucked into your depressed world, I would be more than happy to do that. You've got to gain some perspective tommy! It's not just about you and what you want me to be, it's about me too!"

 

Tommy is shocked to the core.

 

In all those nights of his thinking and over-thinking, he didn't see this coming. 

 

"And I'm so fucking sure what I need make me happy. And that fucking person is you!" He walks across the room, throwing his hands in the air. "God tommy! If you could just lift your head up a little from your tragic world and see it for yourself!"

 

"You only see all the possible damages that you could bring to my life, but have you ever seen what you really brought to my life? Did you see the way you relax me more than anyone else could do?" Adam's every word is punching straight into Tommy's chest.

 

Adam sits on the bed, his shoulders slouching. "Tommy, you complete me. I always worried too much about all the things. The small trivial things that you find stupid. All the hate I get and all the time I was trying hard to impress. You snort at those things, remember? Cos you told me they don't know me personally. It's all about taking control then let go. Being a celebrity is like living in a bubble wrap, it's so easy to lost in touch with reality. But Tommy, you keep me grounded, make me stay humble. Tommy, you make me a better self. You make me feel special." Adam's tone softens.

 

"Don't you see that baby? You complete me."

 

Tommy doesn't know how to answer. He never really felt like as if he's making any changes in Adam's life, it's always the other way round. Adam is all kinds of amazing to begin with, whoever doesn't see that has some huge fucking problems themselves. So with or without him. It shouldn't matter. He didn't know he matters so much in Adam's world.

 

Tommy is such a weird combination of contradictions; he shows the full spectrum of emotional colours. He's confident, he really is. Not quite the same way as Adam, but still, he knows what he could do to people. He knows how to pull the trigger. He knows what he could do to Adam. But this, isn't what he expected.

 

He completes Adam. 

 

He didn't know what to say. 

 

"But..." Tommy still tries to argue.

 

"Tommy, no. Unless you can honestly tell me you would be better off without me. Then I will let you go right the fuck now. I'll pretend that all past 3 years has just been a dream. Nothing has ever happened between us."

 

Adam continued, "I walked out on you once, and I fucking regret it everyday in the past 2 years. How could I let you go like that? I should have fought for you, for us... I was a mess then, not knowing what I want and too eager to find an answer. But I couldn't do that anymore, not this time. Cos holding you like that just now, makes me realize how much I've lost in all those years. A part of me disappeared the moment I let you go." Adam paused, walking towards Tommy. 

 

"So, tell me you still want me, then I'm all yours." Adam brushed his hair away from Tommy's face, exposing his tear streaked face.

 

"I... I don't want to fuck us up." Tommy choked. "I don't want to be the one who breaks your heart."

 

"Then don't." Adam stopped him abruptly. 

 

Yea, it should be as simple as that. Just don't fuck up. 

 

"Tommy, don't just numb yourself. Be brave, open yourself up and just fucking embrace all the feelings. Life is too short to just feel nothing." Adam paused.

 

"Live, don't just survive."

 

Those words shatter the armour Tommy has built up all these years. Adam's words pierced right through his bones.

 

Tommy only realized how different their lives are on the surface, one being a hermit, the other being a party queen. But he never see that deep inside, he's the one that makes Adam breath easier in that fucking cut throat business, and Adam is the one that shields him from his own insanity. Adam has always build him a fantasy, it was him who chose to stuck in reality. 

 

They are both crazy, but in a totally different way. And magically, they balances each other out.

 

They completes each other.

 

"Stay." Adam whispered again. "We've lost enough time."

 

It feels like things finally start to fall into the right places. 

 

Tommy turns to face Adam, buried his face on the crook of his neck, breathing in the scent. It smells like sex and poison. So fucking mesmerizing.

 

"K." He whispers.

 

It's really that simple.

 

Love should always be this simple.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
